VIOLENCE

It is 12:57 pm in Fresno, California. I’m here in my room, sitting on my bed. I just finished putting lotion on my skin; just got outta the shower.

A 10 minute shower.

Probably the quickest shower I’ve ever had in my whole time staying in this place. Why?

I read that long detailed story about Squidward’s suicide. You know what, I think the worst kind of telling a horror story is when it’s written..because YOUR mind can imagine anything. I mean ANYTHING.

I couldn’t sleep last night. And I forced myself to sleep in the corner of my bed facing the whole room so I’d know that no one and/or nothing’s behind me. Just like a pussy.

I couldn’t even look at my mirror last night. I kept imagining Squidward’s bloodshot eyes. Repeating in my head. Just like that gif of him. Repeating. Repeating. Whoever made that is probably demented.. Probably. Or I’m just a pussy.

Damn.

I’m never the scandalous type of person. If I got a problem with you, I’d personally talk to you instead of post some long rant and bitch about things I don’t like about you on the Internet.

Talk to me if you got a problem with me. Telling your followers won’t solve your problems with me either. You probably just want attention(nowadays). Putting vague informations won’t help either..

Pft.

I keep searching for better music that I can listen to to take my mind off this sadness and loneliness. Then, I realize that what I really need is people. But people, man, they’re too busy for me. I need better friends. Friends that can listen to me in that personal level. No one cares anymore.

Everyone’s so shallow.

And I obviously don’t fit in anywhere. Music is my only company and I know that I can listen to the words that these artists play but it sounds like it doesn’t really matter what I say.

I engage myself in social circles like internship for a magazine, local shows, being in a band, biking etc., but no one can connect to me in that level. We all share the same interests but I’m more than my talents.

I don’t know. I got no one else to say this to besides my blog that probably none of you guys even notice. Where did Jemimah go?

Living there for twelve years made me realize how hard it is to live and to actually support one’s family. In such young age, poverty was exposed boldly on every newspapers..and another thing that made feel more angry was that the government just IGNORES it. They enjoy their lives controlling and spending their money over stupid projects that they’ve promised but was never done. All we wanted was change but instead ‘change’ was pushed away by ignorant, egotistic selfish liars and pigs of the government farther.. farther.. until the citizens seek for it themselves resulting in rebellious acts, bloody rallies, screaming voices that are rather ignored.

Whatever happened to unity and peace and smiling, welcoming faces of Filipinos? Oh, probably covered by the mud the government’s hands smothered in their faces.

My family & I didn’t have to deal with having nothing to eat every night, fortunately, unlike other families. I was very grateful, until now, of course. We had food, shelter and I actually attended private schools and moved from time to time when I used to lived there. My mom, who was currently pursuing nursing, helped our neighbors and volunteered in community programs feeding families who had less. At one point, my parents had to leave my sister & I to work abroad. They didn’t see any jobs that can support us well enough and pay them good enough in the Philippines.

That’s another thing, everyone there wants to move abroad. That’s a real sad thing. I wouldn’t call it ‘hopeless’. As long as I see people giving, sympathy, volunteering, non-profit programs, helping etc., I know.. I know there’s still change.